Gay

Gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay, again and again I hear it form those discusting mouths. I am sick of it.

I just watched another episode of Queer As Folk, it is about a group of gay friends living in Pittsburg, well in one of the last episode one of the characters was hurt when a bomb exploaded in a night club. It makes me feel like bombs fall everywhere around me.


I am so sick of Kati and Jess. They don't love me, because if they did then they would understand that I do get hurt when they use gay dirroguatorily.(sp?) I hate it.

How could someone do that? They hurt someone else just because they are diffrent. It has come to the point now where I don't go anywhere alone because I am so scared. I mean, I think that someone might come after me, hurt me. Oh no Josh, your sisters would be there in a heart beat. Yeah? Well aparently you don't know my sisters. They only care about themselves, and people say I am a hypocrete because I act the same toward them. I always tried to be good with them, always I have been shut down. I am so sick of it. I am not going to pretend anymore that I am happy.

No one is proud of me, no one. I feel so alone, I have no gay friends, I am in the only one in this huge sea and I feel like I am going to be the only one not rescued. I hate it.

One thing about Kati is her defence mechanism is to shut down before she knows how to do anything else. She told me today that I wouldn't go to heaven because "fags don't go to heaven, they burn in hell" I am sorry you fat fuck, but that is not funny at all. But I complain to much. SO whatever.

Jess has never cared, and never will. I hate how she always rubs things in my face, "oh Josh Derek has a Mustang, he is taking me out to dinner, he bought me this and that, he loves me". Yeah I know, no one loves me in that way and never will. I have accepted the fact that I have no one or ever will.

Dad thinks that I am kidding. DOes this have anything to the fact that you think you are gay Josh? I "think"? I thought I just did the dishes, and everything else, but that is because I don't work. Well hey, Kati and Jess both did not have jobs until the end of Sophmore year, and so I don't have the right to have a break. I have done so much after mom died, I picked up the slack. But I am merely a fag, and my job is to be gay and not worthy. Thanks guys thanks.


I can't wait until the day my doctor tells me I have cancer, so then I can just die. And then those sorry asses can just bury me and never have to deal with my "gay ways" again.

After all, I am only a fag.